"The only news you can trust"
100% pure malice
Bunter the Banker speaks his mind:
I don't know about you chaps but this year I'm in two minds about celebrating Christmas at all. That doesn't mean to say I won't be out enjoying myself, oh golly gosh, no, someone has got to support what's left of the local economy.
However, it will be with a heavy heart that I order my usual hamper from Harrods and magnum of Champers from Naked Wines while knowing rotters like yourselves probably can't afford such luxuries. Never mind, I hear that Lidl and Tesco's are doing some great deals on Turkey Twizzlers and on their own lable lagers, so all is not
You absolute rotters
From this vale of tiers
No matter where you are in the UK, this Christmas, there will be tiers but there will be laughter too, which if too loud, you'll be expected to investigate before calling the police and getting the get together closed down.
In other words, any ding-dongs merrily on high with more than your prescribed quota of people, could well see you hauled before three wise men (or women) before the year is out and fined or maybe worse. You have been warned.
YOUR CELEBRITY WEATHER FORECAST
Government warning: Virus alert: Do not go out under any circumstances,,,certainly not to enjoy yourself.
...and more much more...