"The only news you can trust"
Volume 14 Issue 5
100% pure malice
A KICK IN THE HEAD
Our brilliant occassional series in which readers consult world famous psychologist Dr Mercy Roberts on the difficult issues they face in their lives.
Dr Mercy Roberts DMC AFD PDQ.
Dear Doctor Mercy
I think my girlfriend has been radicalised by the femminazis. All I said was that men couldn't have babies and she hit me over the head with her Gwynetth Paltrow candle.
I don't understand it, she used to be so sweet and then she cut her hair, dyed it pink and started blaming the patriarchy, after joining the feminie action collective.
NOW all she does is argue that tran-women, or men, I can't remember which, should be able to participate in all sports irrespective of any biological difference, and sites Aristottle, the father of biology, as nothing more than a sexist mysogenist who didn't know what he was talking about.
Of course men can have babies, she insists, I've seen it on You Tube, trans men cuddling their newborns.
When I remind her of the facts of life, she accuses me of being homophobic,transphobic and even racist.
She's still very pretty and I love her but don't tell her that women still can't have erections or else she'll threaten to dox you.
I need your help Doctor, what would you suggest I do?
You got a good looking chick, congratulations. These days many young women's heads are turned by such nonsense but never fear, you're not alone, a lot of guys are suffering the same problem, but there is a solution. You arrange an appointment for her to visit me.You drop her off at my surgery and I'll take her out for a quiet dinner at my club. There, I'll explain to her, over a couple of chilled Mojitos, the undisputable facts of life and later, if she's agreeable, I'll go so far as to show her that only men can have erections.
What do you think, sounds like a plan?
Let me know, I'll be happy to help.